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The Text that Became a Journal Entry

Submitted by Corinne at Hilliard Bradley High School in Ohio.

On April 20th, my family and I were on our way back home from a getaway road trip to our house up at Lake Erie. April 19th was my 15th birthday, and luckily, I had made no big plans prior to it for a big party. I just wanted it to be a chill, relaxing day, opening presents and eating chocolate cake with my family, and that’s exactly what happened. Anyway, I was playing some game with my little sister, when I got a text from my step-dad’s parents, at 3:19 PM, and here’s my entry:

‘“The governor just closed schools for the rest of the year.”

My lungs and brain stopped, for a full two seconds, and I could feel my heart break and sink down to my chest. I had hope for quarantine to end. That I would see my friends and teachers again; be able to sit down in my seats in my favorite classrooms that I can still see so vividly, and that it would all go back to normal. But no. All hope is lost. My chest and stomach have an anvil weighing them down, suffocating them, like the feeling you have before you cry. No, I won’t cry. I don’t cry. I only cry if I’m totally broken. I’m only cracked this time. It’s a giant crack, but somehow, after every blow I have endured, I’m still holding on, if only by a rubber band.’

I tried to express my feelings as accurate as possible, to really show how heartbroken I was about school, but in that moment, I literally couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t (and still can’t) think of any words to truly describe how much pain I was in. Since then, I have suffered motivational issues (constant fixed mindset), anxiety/stress, depression, and even a little gender dysphoria to top it off. I’m also pretty sure I’ve developed a minor eating disorder, but I’m not here for sympathy.

It really shows how impactful one single moment; one single sentence can be. I hope this post isn’t absolutely relatable to anyone, but I know it is, and for some, even worse. I send digital hugs to everyone seeing this, and hope you all have a great day/night!

Corinne :)

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